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Les Halles, Park Avenue New York City
10/10/11 - That's the thing. You always figure for perfect weather on a vacation. You always figure the right bus or ferry won't be late. You always figure the cherry blossoms will be blooming, or the leaves, falling in mountains of bright crimson, just as you arrive. But as in life, things don't always go as planned! After roughly 10 days in New York/New Jersey and another 3 in Niagara, Canada, nary a small streak of sunshine was found the entire time except for, get this... the day we left!!! Never mind that we were the deli meat of overcast conditions sandwiched by before-and-after-breads of sunshine. Never mind that we were they of garbage liner-covered backpacks and umbrellas in-tow. Never mind that we decide to spend a day exploring Central Park on rented bicycles, only to barely make it back to the rental outfit, completely drenched in dirty, muddy water (thrown-up on us from moving tires) after torrential downpours cut our time short! We did manage to eek-out an hour or so through the giant park without rain, which was absolutely gorgeous, but blasting through twenty minutes or so worth of 60-something degree winds and giant pellets of water falling so hard we could barely see, through eyes squinting as wide as a Chinese Rocky after meeting Apollo Creed, wasn't exactly something we penciled-in on the books.
Little did we know...
But considering all things, were we really in a position to grumble? Absolutely not!!! Whatever the weather, whatever the circumstance, New York City is an incredible, fun, and fascinating place to be, as is the very romantic but very different Niagara Falls area of Canada. We still consider ourselves extremely lucky to have been in either place!
Kumi and I, both soaking wet and in street clothes, almost cancelled our visit to Les Halles, citing the fact that moisture down to the gwebs and droopy hair had no place in a fine-dining restaurant of Anthony Bourdain's caliber. We decided to brave it, however, and were glad to discover that Les Halles was, despite the famous resident chef, not much of a fine-dining place, but very much a casual hang-out!
With two locations, on 15 John Street off Broadway and 411 Park Avenue near 29th, we chose the latter since it was closer to our day's activity, that of the very wet kind. And just to clear things up - Anthony Bourdain actually was Executive Chef here for many years, but as you'd probably expect, his official title is now "Chef at Large," which is a slightly sarcastic, slightly humorous way of saying he's no longer around and they're still looking for him! However, Bourdain himself still declares that Les Halles is his home base, as they serve the kind of simple but sophisticated, every-day but high-quality French fare he so very much identifies with; that, along with industrial-strength coffee beans and alcohol. Oh, yes, the alcohol! While not even the King of bad habits and crass behavior himself can light-up inside anymore - laws, you know - you can bet all manner of libations flow freely, from simple drafts and imported bottles of beer to an extensive list of fine wines to really hard stuff like Kentucky bourbon, Irish Jameson whiskey, 18-year Macallan Scotch, and the two orders to start our meal, a Malmsey Port and Remy Martin VSOP, just because, still in wet clothes, we needed to warm-up quick!
Our early arrival was right around 4pm, and it was already decently busy:
Main dining area
Bar area. Can't you just imagine Bourdain downing a Jack and Coke here?
Overflow area getting ready to overflow
I do love the set-up. It's got a really earthy, really comfortable, really old-school air about it, but does so with touches of refinement and class, as well. Despite the use of ingredients normally found in hyper-expensive restaurants, such as escargot, foie gras, Kurobuta pork, and USDA Prime beef both wet-aged for two weeks and dry-aged for another three weeks, as well as a menu done in French (automatic qualifier for higher costs, right?), prices are actually pretty darn reasonable. Only 3 of 14 appetizers (scallop, mushroom/goat cheese ravioli, foie gras) are over $10, and only 3 of the 30+ entree-type dishes (tenderloin, lamb, and Kurobuta pork) are over $30! And even with names like terrine maison, cassoulet toulousain, confit de canard, and saumon bordelaise, there's a relaxed unpretentiousness here that is soooo, how shall I say... Tony?
I mean, there was just nothing high-minded or reaching whatsoever about the place! Waitstaff were down-to-earth and casual, albeit perhaps too much so, as they were all too busy to offer the best of service! The guy two tables over even went into a fit, calling out the manager for having to wait so long! Dish-wise, there are no course menus to speak of, and no dainty, fancified plates of elegance. It was food as the Tony sees it, I guess - simple, in-your-face, and no BS! Our first order, a frisee, was typical of the presentations found here:
I'm not normally into salads, especially when you've pretty much got one evening's worth of shots at the menu, but it was the extra's that sold me - house-cured bacon, roquefort cheese, and especially poached egg. I was expecting the rich, luxurious egg to play a prominent part in the presentation, but when it came, it almost seemed like they forgot to even include it! Spinning the plate like a top, I finally found it, partially buried on the back-side, under a mountain of green:
Kinda melodramatic, actually. The frisee was also not very much to behold in and of itself, since the dressing was super-light and almost inconsequential, but together with the bacon and runny egg, it all made for a pretty good dish in the end. The bacon, especially, was key. This place is actually famous for its various meats, so it's no surprise that the bacon was fabulously done in all the tender, fatty, smoky flavors you'd expect from a good cured pork:
Our next appetizer was something I'd had on my mind ever since seeing it on the reviews and internet menus before-hand, a pork confit ($8.50):
And why did it sound so good? Well... the word confit itself automatically activates happy thoughts in my brain, as it usually means a meat type, usually fowl, left sitting in salts and seasonings, then slowly cooked in fat! Meanwhile, the utilization of pork was a twist to confit that I thought might be interesting and fun. But how was it, you ask? Well... pretty darn horrible, actually! I mean, the bread was horrendously hard and stale, while the pork itself, of a shredded variety, was like a soggy, wet tuna with the taste of cold kalua pig, all the while overwhelmingly saturated with a hardened, coagulated presence of lard! In all honesty, I couldn't take any more than a couple of bites before tapping-out.
As for main dishes, I was hoping Kumi would order some of the meats Les Halles is known for, such as a merguez, frites, and salade (Moroccan lamb sausage, fries, and salad), paleran bearnaise (flat-iron steak w/bearnaise), bavette de boeuff (skirt steak w/blue cheese sauce), or an onglete a l'echalote (hangar steak in shallot sauce), or at least something we don't normally find in Hawaii, but alas, she went with a more familiar face:
Yep, the venerable French specialty, mussels n frites ($18.50). I've heard a lot of kudos regarding Les Halle's hand-cut frites, which were fine, but in my book, it was the mussels that were out of this world! They are served two ways, one in a traditional French white wine and butter and the other in a Portuguese style, with wine, tomatoes, and chorizo, the latter of which we selected after a strong recommendation from our waiter. The mussels were plump, fresh, and provided in huge portions, seemingly taking us forever to finish the whole batch - a good thing, of course! As is often the case, I was suddenly thinking the wifey was right after all!
That being said, I myself couldn't pass the evening without some type of beef, not here. Once again, the presentation was simple and plain, just a big bunch of beef blocks, along with a minimum of carrots and potatoes, all stacked into a mini-mountain.
This order of boeuf bourguignon ($23) was like a fancy stew, with a red wine sauce lusciously permeating everything. The meat was tender and soft, easily tearing apart and melting in the mouth. Taste-wise, it was all beef and delicious, but I couldn't help thinking of a very similiar dish made popular and found in nearly every Hawaii Regional Cuisine restaurant - braised short rib. The two are very similiar, except our braised short rib is presented as one large piece that tears in clean shreds with the grain, while Les Halle's bourguignon is cubed and breaks more like a soft prime rib or tenderloin. Because braised short rib is found so often here in the islands, I often take it for granted, but all things considered, it's a pretty darn great dish, and at most Hawaii restaurants, I'd take it over this beef bourguignon, for sure. Ooops, there goes my chances for appearing on Anthony Bourdain's show!
But considering how much of a straight talker the guy is, pulling no punches, regularly mocking others, and treading on places many deem sacred, I'm sure he's man enough to take some straight talk himself as well, right? In actuality, (and I'm not kissing-A!), it is kinda refreshing to find one of the great chefs of our time with a place so easy-going, so stripped of pomposity, and so void of culinary PC, at least in this current world of popular culture, reality fake's, and A-list celebrity chef's, that is! I mean, this place is all Anthony, heralding very traditional fare with no add-on's, no fusion foo-foo, and no excuses. Like a back-room bar on a residential corner of old Brooklyn, only fully occupied by jet-setting trendees and trendettes, it's kind-of a quixotic place, blending so much of the old with so much of the new; so much of what is world-class with so much of what is also provincial and homely. I'm almost confused, to tell you the truth, not knowing what mind-set to have when coming, nor what to wear - suit-and tie, pull-over, or... my bright green and yellow surf shorts?! Aaah, they aaalll work!!!
But whatever the case, even though Les Halle's famous former chef is now only chef-at-large, that very larger-than-life, ever-looming presence still somehow occupies a place deep in the psyche of everyone dining here, like an invisible force adding an extra dimension of mystique, depth, and sheer entertainment value. Yeah, there's Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, Mario Batali's Babbo, Joel Robuchon's L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon, Marcus Samuelsson's Aquavit, and so many more, all right here in Manhattan, but there's something about the Tony you just can't deny, and if you don't like it, well, do you think he really gives a rip? No one cared about Kumi and I showing-up 45 minutes early and dripping water all over their floor, either. Here in the heart of New York City, it's no excuses, no pulling punches, and nooo reservations!
Get us home cabbie! It was time for a hot shower!
Take care, and Aloha till next time!
Aku
Les Halles Park Avenue
411 Park Avenue South
212-679-4111
7:30am-12am daily
